Ok stay not value for...

Liked: Oh, Malmaison Brighton Marina, where do I even start? With a marina view promising a blend of chic and charm, I was all set for a stylish stay. But, in reality, it felt a bit more like the travel equivalent of expecting Concorde and being handed a hang glider!First, the practicalities: parked in the multi-storey car park, a quick five-minute stroll brings you to the hotel’s rather mysterious entrance—tucked right behind Pizza Express. As a former First Class cabin crew, I know a thing or two about entrances, and let’s just say this one wasn’t setting the tone for an impressive arrival.Our journey upstairs began with a painfully slow lift, so much so that we actually opted to take the stairs to the second-floor reception. Once there, we were greeted by, shall I say, a character behind the desk. He was polite but gave off all the warmth of an AI chatbot. Eyes down, monotone delivery, a string of perfectly rehearsed lines—tick, tick, tick. I half-expected him to ask me to “Press 1 for check-in” by the time he finished his spiel.The room itself was a masterclass in making-do. A double bed was squeezed in with barely enough room to shimmy around, and while the décor aimed for chic, it felt more like camouflage to hide budget basics. Now, let me tell you, the bed had this oversized base—a padded wooden thing that jutted out farther than the mattress and duvet. Navigating that in the dark for a bathroom run, I clonked my leg. Hard. Not quite the soothing night I had in mind!One thing you don’t expect to find in a £216-a-night room is a door ajar to a shared balcony—a detail we only noticed after a breezy surprise in the night. Turns out, the balcony door had been open the entire time, inviting in the Brighton elements, as well as potentially a guest or two. It was an unsettling detail, knowing our personal items had been exposed to whoever might be on the other side of that balcony.In the morning, I gave the coffee machine a go. An easy task, or so I thought.
Disliked: Bed, Room size, staff, security, lack of attention to detail